How to know if you’re in a Situationship

Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy for…  let’s say six months? And you’re doing cute couple things? You’re hanging out and texting every day, but then you realize something isn’t right. You’re realizing six months in that this isn’t a steady relationship, and you two certainly aren’t a couple. You, my friend, are in a situationship.

The situationship is basically the gateway to the land of no labels. It’s another way of saying the “it’s complicated” phrase. Basically, it is the stage of dating where the two parties are in the in-between stages of just “talking” and an actual “steady” relationship. The two individuals involved often treat the relationship as if it were a steady relationship with labels without verbally saying so. The situationship is great for some, but for those that don’t know they’re in one, it can be draining.

Situationships are predominantly seen in the college student age range of 17-24. But the question still remains: Why are they happening so regularly in this age range?

Art by Love & Luxe graphic designer Cayla Johnston.

After interviewing couples and marriage counselor Dr. David Steinberg, I was able to get some perspective on why it happens primarily in this age range.

“I would say that it has a bit to do with the generation. These kids are growing up in a time where divorce and a failed marriage is extremely high. They’re probably looking around them and saying to themselves ‘Why be in a committed relationship if it’s not going to go anywhere?’,” said Steinberg.

A possible generational issue isn’t the only thing Steinberg thinks might be the cause of such a high number of situationships on campus.

“You know, I can also see social media being an issue too. They don’t want to go out as much and put in the work of being in a relationship. Social media is king and you don’t need to go out with someone and physically be in a real relationship with someone. They have apps for everything.”

Whether it’s a generational issue or too much focus on social media, you should still be able to spot whether you are in a situationship or not.

We’ve all been there at least once in our times of dating, but it isn’t always evident of whether you’re in one or not. So, I’ve come up with a few ways to spot whether or not you are in a situationship.

Art by Love & Luxe graphic designer Cayla Johnston.

What is your main form of conversation? Does he ever call?
If your answer is no and your only form of communication is texting, then this is a clear sign of being in a situationship.

Texting is mainly for small talk and short questions and answers. I love a “Good morning!” text as much as the next girl, but wouldn’t you want your conversations to go much deeper than a simple cute text here and there? With texting, you don’t normally have an in-depth conversation. It’s normally just fluff.

Do you go out on dates?   
If the two of you haven’t gone out one-on-one on a date after two months, then there’s a big red flag right there. And going out together in a group of friends definitely does not count as a date!

Does he shy away from hanging out/ meeting your friends and family?
If he’s pulling back from meeting or hanging out with people that matter to you most, then this is a sign of not being a relationship. If this was a relationship wouldn’t you think he would be jumping to get to know the people that matter most to you?

Art by Love & Luxe graphic designer Cayla Johnston.

Are you having “sleepovers” regularly without the satisfaction nightcap?
If you’re having sex regularly, and you haven’t had any conversation about being serious, then this is a situationship. By allowing sex to happen regularly with no conversation of where your non-relationship stands, then you’re only hurting yourself in the end. Both your body and your mind is a temple and should be treated as such.

Do you have any pictures together?
Have you ever asked one of your friends to see a picture of their boyfriend and they say “Ummm
no, sorry, I’ve never taken any pictures with him.”? No, because that doesn’t happen.

Have you even talked about being exclusive?
Girl, if he hasn’t given you a title then this isn’t a steady relationship! Force the conversation to happen and set some boundaries, and you’ll get your answer.

It’s time to either have a sit-down talk with your man or cut the cords on this relationship. No girl should allow herself to be strung along. You are worth so much more than a situationship.

Fact check
Dr. David Steinberg
(215) 253-4473

shaquierra Brown

Founder & CEO

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